Sleep is important to me, very important. It is something that can have a dramatic effect on the rest of my life. It is, however, something that doesn’t always come easy to me.
I tend to go through periods of insomnia, which can be extremely frustrating. Something that is never welcomed at the time. So given the current pandemic happening around us, I am, of course, right in the middle of another episode of insomnia. Whenever I think about sleep, be it during the day or as I attempt to turn in for the night. I can’t help but think of the Faithless song – I can’t get no sleep…
As someone who suffers from high functioning anxiety when I have had an anxious day, sleep is my reset. My body feels as though it has used up all its reserves and I need to recharge and reset everything. Which is why there are days when I head up to bed at the same time as the children. Unable to keep going for a few more hours until my usual bedtime.
On the whole I am managing to control my anxiety during the day. Finding coping mechanisms to focus on the tasks at hand and ensuring that I don’t feel too overwhelmed by everything. As a consequence of this it feels as though I’m bottling up all this anxiety until I go to bed. Feeling utterly exhausted and ready to rest.
That is until I get into bed and my eyes spring open and 1001 things start running through my head. Honestly, it is like the pages of a book being flicked through and then stopping for a refresh of a conversation I had with someone years ago. A chance to relive mistakes, mishaps and all those WTF moments that have happened throughout my life.
There is no rhyme or reason to why these moments pop up and often head off on a tangent as I start to think of one thing. Suddenly that brings up something vaguely related and I head off down that wormhole. It’s exhausting as well as triggering emotions that came with that particular conversation or situation.
Do I stay or do I go?
Needless to say I have one of two options, lay there and hope that I will eventually drift off. Or get up in search of a distraction, watching TV, reading a book, getting a drink etc. and try again in an hour.
Both options I have tried for the past weeks and months. I’m frustrated, exhausted and I have no idea on how to switch my brain off to allow me to sleep.
My only glimmer of light in this situation is that with the current pandemic, life is running at a slower pace. Allowing me to take my time with tasks and not stress that I’m too tired to concentrate on certain tasks or have the energy to complete tasks all at once.
Have you found that your sleep pattern has altered during lockdown?