I miss my mum

March 30, 2014

This is a post that has sat half written in my draft folder for some time, with it being Mother’s Day and my thoughts drifting towards my mum today it seemed the right time to publish…

I miss my mum

Separated by some 300 miles, I really do miss my mum

In a way I feel I should be used to not having my mum around as she and my step dad moved away when I was 19 and I remained here with Mr Boo. With no children I was able to hop on a train every other month or so to go and visit. Even spending 16 hours on a bus once as there was a good offer on the tickets.

Once Roo came along it became more difficult to visit and with my step dads health deteriorating they couldn’t come here as often. Finally when Roo was almost 3 years old my mum decided to move back nearer to me so that I could help out with my step dads care and she could look after Roo whilst I went to work. Unfortunately the plans did not work out how we had planned and my step dad passed away within days of them moving here.

Whilst my mum struggled on for a year or so here, she finally made the decision to move back to our home town. This decision broke my heart, something I have never told her. Roo was absolutely devastated, declaring ‘Mummy, it’s just so sad’ and it really was. There is never a week that goes by where Roo hasn’t told me just how much she misses Granny, I simply squeeze her hand and agree. Words unfortunately fail me, if I do manage to say something I usually end up crying.

I have a huge feeling of guilt that I was not enough for her to stay here, to see me, to watch her grandchildren grow up and for us all to spend time as a family. I feel guilty that she is alone for all the big celebrations, birthdays, Christmas, New Year and today Mother’s Day.

I miss my mum so very much, and whilst I do tell her that I miss her I fear she will never fully understand just how much I really do.

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