When does grieving start?

A year ago today I received a phone call to say that my Dad (Bob) had died.

A year on I am still at a loss as how to feel about it.

I’ve muddled my way through the year trying not thinking about what has happened.

Then all of a sudden I will stop and think of him and the tears well up in my eyes. Stinging with a tinge of sadness for the loss of a man, my dad, and a tinge of anger at myself for feeling sad for someone who for the best part of my life was not there.

I haven’t yet made that journey to see his final resting place.  Instead choosing to live in ignorant bliss that maybe it didn’t happen.  Removing myself from the reality of it is just prolonging the inevitable outcome… My dad has died and nothing will change that.

For now I am just left with questions I don’t know the answers to…

How do you grieve for someone who for reasons I will never know was not part of my life but a huge part of my make up?

How do I express this sadness that I will never get the opportunity to make things right between us?

Am I allowed to feel sad? anger? and hurt at the situation?

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel

Boo xxx

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