A drawing of a face

My children never called you Grandad

June 19, 2016

Dear Bob

It’s Father’s Day and as I watched my children hand over cards and presents to their Father this morning I’m reminded that you’re not here. Last year I shared how I don’t remember a single Father’s Day with you, not even one. I have no idea whether I made you a card at school and excitedly handed it over to you come Father’s Day morning. I’m guessing that I did make a card but you failed to show up on Father’s Day and never got a chance to see the love and attention that went into it.

I’ve come to live with the fact that you were substandard when it came to the Dad department. The days when I was left crying at the gate because you failed to show or the times I returned home from spending  a weekend with you and actually spent more time palmed off on someone else rather than with you.Something that comes back to me time and time again is that my children never called you Grandad. They never met you, which was partly my choice but also a choice of yours by not bothering to be in my life either.

As I became a parent I sent you photos of Roo and subsequently Tigger in some sort of attempt to keep you in the loop of my life even though we hadn’t seen each other for years. My Mam always left the decision to contact you in my court, she never tried to influence my thoughts about what you were like as a person (even though I knew exactly what you both thought of each other).

Something that comes back to me time and time again is that my children never called you Grandad. They never met you, which was partly my choice but also a choice of yours by not bothering to be in my life either. Roo called someone else Grandad, she grieved as he passed away and both Tigger and Piglet have never known a Grandad on my side of the family. They are of course lucky in that they have a Grandad on my husband’s side of the family who loves them dearly and I couldn’t imagine him wanting to miss out on their childhood.

My children will probably never know about you, they will never know that once upon a time I was your blue-eyed girl, they will never know that I used to miss you so much despite letting me down all the time. But the thing that breaks my heart is that my children never called you Grandad.

Love Boo xox

  • Toni June 20, 2016 at 9:05 am

    I know where you’re coming from with this. I’ve never known my dad, and my step-dad was never much of a dad either and he walked away from us when him & my mum divorced. I have my Grandad who is an amazing man, the one who held me when I was born, the one who my boys look up to. I’m lucky we have him, it’s heartbreaking not to have a dad or grandad to my kids but there’s nothing I can do about that, it’s his loss

    • Boo June 20, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      It makes me sad to think that they have missed the opportunity to see their grandchildren grow up (as well as the time with their own children). I’m sure that your Grandad is proud to be part of your and your boys lives x

  • Fiona jk42 June 26, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    It’s his loss, not yours. My children (now in their 20s) have no relationship with my father. My relationship with him had gone downhill after he met my stepmother. Both my younger sister & I lived with my father, but when he started a relationship with my (later) stepmother he put us in boarding school. He married my stepmother while we were away at school. When I was 16 he told me he didn’t want to see me again and threw me out on the street. A couple of years later he did the same thing to my sister. Stupidly I kept making an effort, thinking I could repair the relationship. He did not come to my wedding, although invited. When my son was one my father finally did something unforgivable & I realised that both my son & I were better off without my father in our lives. I’ve had no contact with him since. He missed out on knowing my 2 wonderful children, but they have been spared from being hurt by a cold and self-centred man. Likewise your children probably gained more than they have lost by not having a relationship with your father. You have protected them from being hurt the way you were hurt.

  • Natalie March 7, 2017 at 7:42 am

    It’s completely his loss and has made you the person you are today. At least your children don’t have to be so let down in the same way xx

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