I wasn’t enough… and I’m still not

March 31, 2019

As I wake to celebrate mother’s day with my children and Mr Boo. I thought I’d share with you a post that has been sitting in my drafts for a while. A difficult one to write and even harder to share. But sometimes you have to take a look at why things happen and understand that sometimes it is you that is the problem (which let’s face it nobody likes to admit that they are at fault).

Last year I attended the funeral of a close friends dad. Whilst I was chatting to her and checking in to see how she was and her mum was coping etc. She mentioned that she had been staying with her mum since his death and was there to ensure that she wasn’t alone.

It suddenly struck me like an epiphany that I wasn’t enough for my mum. Long story short, my mum and step dad moved back to Norfolk when Roo was almost three years old. My step dad wasn’t very well and I had hoped to help my mum with her being close by. Sadly within hours of the move he was admitted to hospital and died 12 days later.

The new life my mum was hoping for had gone just like that. Whilst I was there for her at the hospital and during the day. I never moved in, I never stayed overnight, my life didn’t stop because my step dad had died. Maybe in hindsight I should have done all of those things. However, I had Roo to look after, a husband and a job that all needed my time too.

Whilst I carried on my day to day life and even thought that this was a new chapter for my mum. Looking back I can see that is not how she viewed it.

Staying just over a year, I have fond memories for her spending time with Roo and meeting her grandson Tigger. However, I am very aware that I wasn’t enough for her.

With her decision to move back to Cumbria a bitter pill to swallow at the time. And in the years that followed if I’m honest. I couldn’t see at the time why she would move away and miss spending time with her grandchildren. But she needed more than just me – I wasn’t enough for her.

Years later I’m still very sad that she’s missing out on so much of her grandchildren’s lives. Of my life too, especially when I see how others have their mums by their sides for so many parts if their lives. But I know that she needs to do what makes her happy and able to complete day to day life.

It’s just hard to know that I wasn’t enough… and I’m still not.

10 Comments

  • Laura Dove April 1, 2019 at 10:18 am

    Oh Sarah this made me so emotional. Please don’t feel that way, I am sure you did everything you could to support your mum at that time, it’s very hard to be there all the time for someone, especially with a family of your own. Lots of love to you. xx

  • Yeah Lifestyle April 1, 2019 at 3:10 pm

    As children there is so much we want to do for our parents but there is always limitations. Don’t feel like you have not done enough, I am sure you did all you could within your means, so don’t feel guilty.

  • Kirsty April 1, 2019 at 7:55 pm

    I honestly couldn’t imagine how hard this post must have been for you to write. It is such a shame for you to think that you were never enough for your mum. You’ve done the best you could in your situation x

  • michelle twin mum April 1, 2019 at 8:30 pm

    Oh this is so sad Sarah. Even when something tragic happens in the life of someone we love, most of us wouldn’t move in, so don’t beat yourself up. If you did what you could then that has to be enough. Mich x

  • Fatima April 2, 2019 at 1:52 am

    All of us have to go through different circumstances and sometimes, it becomes impossible to do what we really want. There are so many things to do and a lot of pressure, that we have to make choices as we can’t ensure everything is just like we want!

  • Sabina Green April 2, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Sometimes it’s not about you, it’s about them and what they want from their lives. Perhaps she could see that you didn’t need her because you are a strong and confident Mum, perhaps she just needed to be where she could feel your Dad around her. Big hugs xxx

  • Jennifer Gladwin April 2, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    Please don’t think like that. Families can be so tricky at times. It’s sad she’s missing out on your and the kids’ lives but you have to do what’s right for you.

  • Anosa April 3, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    I too sometimes feel like I am not enough not just for my mum but both my parents, I try and do the best that I can but as you said life does continue unfortunately

  • skye April 4, 2019 at 12:47 am

    Don’t feel like that. It’s not that you are not enough. You have to remember she only just moved to Norfolk and lost her husband within days. Its probably Norfolk that she hates because of the pain of losing him there.
    It was the same with my mum. My dad died at our family home and within weeks my Mum put the house up for sale. It was upsetting and she used the excuse of finance but the truth is that the pain was too much. I’m lucky she hasn’t moved to far – just down the road to Brockdish – but my Nan has found the move very hard.

  • Kristina April 4, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Oh I don’t know you but what I do know is that at the end of the day you’re only human. You have so many hats to wear – mum, partner, worker, daughter etc you’re doing the best you can and that IS enough x

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