Family Life | Nobody asked {The Tonsillectomy edition}

November 3, 2018

Earlier this week Piglet underwent surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. Something that has plagued her for most of her young life. With this year being completed consumed and focused on her health and hospital admissions. It’s nothing we have hidden from those around us. The struggle of dealing with a very poorly child whilst juggling two other children and work commitments.

During Piglet’s time in the hospital for her much-needed operation, it gave me a lot of time to ponder things about the lead up to her surgery and the surgery itself. With the days following my mind has been consumed with the same ponderings of why nobody asked…

Piglet post-surgery for removal of her tonsils and adenoids

Childcare

  • Nobody asked on each hospital admission or appointment whether we needed any help with childcare for Roo and Tigger.
  • Nobody asked whether we needed any help getting Roo and Tigger to and from school for the date of her surgery.
  • Nobody asked if we needed any help with Roo and Tigger whilst Piglet was going to be in the hospital during and after her surgery.

Visiting

  • Nobody asked whether they could come and visit us in the hospital. Not only to see Piglet but to allow me to take a shower or have a break from the 24/7 care that Piglet needed.
  • Nobody asked if Mr Boo wanted to come up to the hospital after work to check on his youngest daughter following her surgery.
  • Nobody asked if Mr Boo needed to be at the hospital when Piglet suffered an allergic reaction to the anaesthetic following her surgery.
Piglet dealing with an allergic reaction to the anaesthetic post surgery

Surgery

  • Nobody asked how I felt to hold my two-year-old daughter and distract her whilst the anaesthetist fitted a cannula and ultimately the anaesthetic.
  • Nobody asked what it was like to watch my two-year-old daughter be put to sleep and feel her body drop into my arms.
  • Nobody asked how I felt lifting her sleeping body up onto the operating table and giving her one final kiss before handing her over to the care of the surgeons and the operating theatre team.
  • Nobody asked what it was like to sit in a tiny room watching the clock as my two-year-old daughter was in surgery.
  • Nobody asked how I felt seeing my daughter in the recovery room looking so fragile and frightened.

Hospitality

  • Nobody asked if I’d like something to drink – not at any point throughout the hospital stay.
  • Nobody asked if I had eaten anything or if I would like something to eat. No offer of a slice of toast or even a suggestion of how I could get anything to eat.
  • Nobody asked if I needed someone to sit with Piglet whilst I popped off the ward in search of food and drink
Piglet being continuously monitored following surgery

Why did nobody ask?

I’ve gone over the question of why did nobody ask time and time again. Maybe nobody asked because I looked though I didn’t need any help or support. Maybe nobody asked because I didn’t reach out to ask for the help and support that would have made the experience easier to deal with.

But then, just maybe, nobody asked because they simply do not care.

  • Janet November 3, 2019 at 8:28 am

    I can identify with this Sarah. When I had to take the car and visit my poorly Mum for the weekend, people were reluctant to help the rest of my family with lifts. I asked and got some really crass replies. However the next year when my child fell seriously ill I did get help. I can’t understand how they made a choice not to help the first time and it still hurts to think about it.

    • Sarah Anguish November 3, 2019 at 9:29 am

      Janet – it’s so sad to think that we can’t all be there whenever help is needed. I’m always offering help to others, yet very rarely receive any help

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